Story of the Month: The 32 Bartenders

Story by Thom Howard

I play in a fiddle group called 32 Bartenders. Here’s a joke I wrote:

A man walks into a bar and there are 32 bartenders. He asks the owner, “Why do you have 32 bartenders?”

The owner says, “Because that’s exactly how many I need. I wanted a place where we’d never get stumped, never have to look up a drink recipe. I started with one bartender, but the first night he got stumped, so I said to myself, ‘Two, I need two bartenders.’ The next night, stumped again, so I said, ‘Three, I need three bartenders.’ And it just kept happening, but I didn’t give in. Soon I said, ‘Eight, I need eight bartenders.’ ‘Seventeen, I need seventeen bartenders.’ ‘Twenty-nine, I need twenty-nine bartenders.’ Finally, ‘Thirty-two, I need thirty-two bartenders.’ Now it’s been a solid year since we’ve been stumped, and I can barely afford it but I’m happy. Any drink, no matter how obscure, name it and we’ll have it for you right away.”

“Marvelous!” says the man, “but I’m the designated driver tonight, so I’ll just have an iced tea.

”The owner goes over to his bartenders and they talk, but the owner returns to the man empty-handed, drops his head and mutters, “Thirty-three... I need thirty-three bartenders!”

A Note from the President

Hello to everyone,

2021 is off to a great start for storytelling. River and Prairie Storyweavers celebrated January with another Chicken Festival. MO-TELL held its very first virtual Annual Membership meeting on January 16 th during the Chicken Festival. Gateway Storytellers held a big membership meeting on January 24.

MO-TELL wants to thank River and Prairie Storyweavers so much for their generosity. This is the third year we have piggy-backed on to their event. 23 people came and many people joined or renewed their memberships.Each of the board members gave a report.

Many storytelling events are coming up in February. We are looking forward to a MO-TELL Valentine’s event “What’s Love Got to Do with It?”on February 12. NSN has a LUUV event with international storytellers on February 6. River and Prairie Storyweavers have an evening of stories of Hope and Healing on February 27. Gateway Storytellers is beginning a series of workshops on February 16. So many more storytelling events are happening all over the world. Watch your inbox for more updates.

There have been requests for Bicentennial programs across the state. If you have any, please let us know about them.

January brought sad news to our storytelling family. Deb Wallen passed away on January 18. Condolences may be sent to Jim Two Crows Wallen at 4710 Mayview Terr. Ct., Blue Springs, MO 64015.

Keep telling stories and I hope to see you soon.

Joyce Slater

President, MO-TELL

MO-TELL Member of the Month: Thom Howard

I grew up as the kid who spent several hours every day practicing guitar alone in my room. I was not gregarious at all, and probably spent more time playing music than conversing, so you might say that language is a second language. I would never have gotten involved in storytelling if I hadn’t been drawn in by my wife Sarah’s performances as a storyteller and children’s librarian, and the welcoming encouragement of the members of River And Prairie Storyweavers (RAPS.)

Away back in the 1990s, when Sarah and I had already started doing some children’s music performances, I dropped her off at a RAPS gathering and hung about waiting to be picked up by a co- worker on the way to a computer tech job. It was the first time I’d been around so many people pursuing an art as a group, trading ideas and techniques and collaborating on creating new things. When RAPS asked Sarah and me to do a children’s music presentation the next year, I felt like I’d gotten a promotion. It was wonderful to be taken in by the group, and Joyce Slater, Gary Kuntz, Priscilla Howe and Jim Wallen and many others have all been great friends and huge influences, artistically and in terms of the business end of being a performer. Collaborating musically with Jim on his “Never Lost” CD was a wonderful time. It was an honor to ultimately be part of the effort that turned MO-Tell into a statewide organization, and Larry Brown and Perrin Stifel add to the group of people I’ve learned a great deal from and enjoyed working with. The second wave of MO-Tell leadership has done a fabulous job, growing its significance and activity well beyond what we had managed in the first wave.

The challenges of 2020 have played out unusually for Sarah and me – we’ve been lucky to keep our jobs and even to safely continue to actually go to work at our offices. The complexity has gone way up though, and our already dwindling performing activity is pretty much at a halt at this time. The lessons live on though. Studying, gathering and performing storytelling has made me a better communicator, a better socializer, a better leader when necessary, even a better songwriter. Tom McDermott and Beth Horner’s lessons about how conflict and resolution drive a story changed the way I think about melodic progression, let alone lyrics and stories. And Beth’s performances at Jonesboro and other festivals of a few of the songs/stories we wrote together is very satisfying. It’s the closest I could ever get to being up there myself.

Years ago, I read an article about a study that analyzed what balance of repetition and change people generally desired in music. Too much of either and people lose interest – overbearing repetition gets dull, and constant change destroys continuity. The study landed at right about 50/50 balance as optimal. It’s fascinating how much this seems to bear out in storytelling too, where repeated phrases, traditional plots and characters, and the “rule of threes” itself balance against plot twists, surprise endings and “jumps.” Theme and variation, tension and resolution, yin and yang. (Watch the original “Wicker Man” or listen to the structure and progression of The Carpenters’ “Close to You” for a masterclass. There’s even a surprise ending in both!)