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  • Writer's pictureThom Howard

Story of the Month: The 32 Bartenders

Story by Thom Howard

I play in a fiddle group called 32 Bartenders. Here’s a joke I wrote:

A man walks into a bar and there are 32 bartenders. He asks the owner, “Why do you have 32 bartenders?”

The owner says, “Because that’s exactly how many I need. I wanted a place where we’d never get stumped, never have to look up a drink recipe. I started with one bartender, but the first night he got stumped, so I said to myself, ‘Two, I need two bartenders.’ The next night, stumped again, so I said, ‘Three, I need three bartenders.’ And it just kept happening, but I didn’t give in. Soon I said, ‘Eight, I need eight bartenders.’ ‘Seventeen, I need seventeen bartenders.’ ‘Twenty-nine, I need twenty-nine bartenders.’ Finally, ‘Thirty-two, I need thirty-two bartenders.’ Now it’s been a solid year since we’ve been stumped, and I can barely afford it but I’m happy. Any drink, no matter how obscure, name it and we’ll have it for you right away.”

“Marvelous!” says the man, “but I’m the designated driver tonight, so I’ll just have an iced tea.

”The owner goes over to his bartenders and they talk, but the owner returns to the man empty-handed, drops his head and mutters, “Thirty-three... I need thirty-three bartenders!”

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