Story of the Month: Ma Complains about the Outhouse

Minnie and Arthur lived in a log cabin with an outhouse just down the trail from the house. One day Ma stomped into the house and slammed the screen door so loud that Pa jumped up off the couch where he had been napping.

“Goldarn it, Arthur!” “You get out there and fix that outhouse!” Minnie said.

Arthur knew better that to argue, so he gathered some tools and went to the outhouse. Now Minnie had not said what needed fixing, so Arthur checked the roof. There were a few loose shingles, so he nailed them down tight. He checked the door and tightened the hinges. Satisfied that he had fixed the problem, Arthur went back in the cabin to continue his nap.

It was not too long afterwards that Minnie grabbed Arthur by the ear and lifted him up off the couch. “Arthur! I said, go fix that outhouse!!” Minnie yelled. “Fix it or I will slap you into next Tuesday.”

Well, Arthur did not want to be slapped into next Tuesday, so he went back to the outhouse and inspected it a little closer this time. He added some lime to keep down the flies and the odor. He swept out some cobwebs up by the ceiling. He oiled the hinges. He even got some barn paint and painted the entire outhouse. By the time he was finished it looked like something you would see on the cover of the Country Living magazine. Surely, Minnie would be satisfied now.

But just to be safe, Arthur stuck his head in the hole to look around. Right then, Minnie came in and surprised him. Arthur pulled back his head and caught his whiskers on a small crack in the seat.

“Ouch!!,” Arthur exclaimed in pain while rubbing his beard.

“Hurts, don’t it,” said Minnie.